Days off…

So I’ve been back at home 🏡 for a week now. I brought Ally to daycare all week so I could rest and get random things dunn. What I really learned is I’m not good at being alone. Lol 😂 a day or 2 sure but multiple days is a long time for a people person to not be around people. Even the dog park didn’t have people there. Haha. But I did manage to do stuff and try cooking different things. I made bake cheese it which me and ally love. I can only eat 4 at a time and I dip them in home made guacamole. Pretty good. I made different variations of eggs. Luckily my mom helped me prep some meals. Again everything is so small right now and I still have to remind myself to eat or drink. It’s funny though when I was super board I was like man eating fajitas or Chinese food would be good. Then I laughed and said I don’t need food I’m blessed with my food and need to eat that first. Tried different sauces on my turkey and chicken. Really like Frank. Portion of course. The cold finally made me cave into decaf coffee this morning but I was smart to get sugar free Carmel creamer and you know what it tasted wonderful and was the warm drink I needed. Task wise I finished Ally Christmas shopping and didn’t spend more than maybe 125.00 and 6 gifts and stocking stuffer. When they’re young still cheap and making memories. I caulk some frame hole on my walls and when it came to use my touch up paint it was dried out. Now I have to put faith into the good ole color match machine and a human matcher. I’ll wait to get my favorite Lowe’s person to do it for me next week. I decided to host some gathering this holiday so I am tackling cookie making for the guest. I put up Christmas lights outside. My inside I had finished before the surgery. I went to the dog park a couple of times with the girls. They loved it but like I said no one is out at 11 am. lol 😂 The last thing I wanna talk about is I finished my book Mathew Perry story. I’m gonna start my thought with the one quote that hit me.

Ok Matt scars are from addiction to drugs and alcohol. My scars are from addiction to Food and (alcohol that’s been gone for 3 years and counting) but we can agree those scare are a life worth fighting for. I’m still alive today and he is not but I believe he tried really hard. I’m glad his character Chandler Bing found happiness by season 10 and his family live happily ever after. That’s the real life I am wanting to do each day one day at a time. The hardest part today in my life is something I’ll always laugh about later but that’s getting Ally B dressed in the morning. She wants to watch mini mouse and play. I give her choices and she picks one but as I am putting it on kicks it off and says the other one. Haha seriously I love my child so much but she’s a 2 year old what can I say. Now one last Ally story she is sweetheart. She will once a day come up to me an pull my shirt up slightly and point out each boo boo on my stomach and than blow them a kiss. Now that’s what these scars are worth fighting for. I’m just ready to get to the gym and do more but gotta wait for doctor clearance and he told me just walks until our next visit Dec 26. Well this was a long post. I hope you enjoyed it and now I’m about to flood you with pictures. Love you all and thank you for the support it’s amazing 🤩 ❤️

Ally big Santa gift 🎁 these thing are 200 and yes I bargain shop 😁

7 days post opp ❤️‍🩹

I saw this quote and needed to be reminded of where I am today. Yeah only 7 days out and 5 weeks of the most craziest thing I have done to my body. Of course the Best thing too. I wanna reflect on how bad I was with food. Now remember I was over 300 pounds for a while so I can talk about it now. I loved food. I did not care about body image at all. Even found myself surprised at how successful I was at work being so fat and getting pregnant with a healthy pregnancy. Like I almost felt it was ok to be fat since things were falling into place for me still. I ate for all emotions. When I gave up alcohol I the food addiction kicked in even more. When I became a mobile sales rep and in my car it was always so easy to stop and get breakfast on my hour plus drive. Then on my way home get lunch. Seriously I loved food. Then I started watching my daughter grow and become the most important thing in the world to me. She started walking and started to get the cutest run. Then it started to hit me. I don’t want to be on the side line of her life. I wanna be in the zone. Like the light 💡 bulb finally triggered. I needed change. It was so hard to admit to myself. I had been feeling down at work so food was comfort. (Still like my job just people have funks). I was battling internally for a while but I wasn’t super vocal about it. Thank God for AA as it taught me the biggest lesson… I cannot do anything Big alone. Life is a WE. I had to accept help and I had to trust my faith to put the right medical team in my hands and the support from all of you. I really surrendered and felt like now was the time. I’m still processing but I know I am on the right path. I love the quote I started with. I don’t ever wanna let food control my mood and make me feel like crap. I want my life to control my life. Cheers to happiness 😁😁😁

The surgery 11/9/23

Well I’m going home today. I was there probably 24 hours. When we got to the hospital the nervous jitters kicked in and I was just ready to be knocked out. They prepped me, double checked to make sure I wasn’t pregnant, and put the 2 needles in me for IV. I was feeling very dehydrated so they gave me an IV. Immediately I was feeling better. Before I knew it we were walking to the surgery room. When I got there I was amazed at how many nurses and doctors were there . I’d say maybe 10. Didn’t really meet them all. I saw the machines and they of course weren’t as scary as I imagined. I was knocked out really fast like I requested. Then like most surgeries you don’t wake up for couple of hours and I was in my room when I woke up. Dad was there with me. He did talk to the doctor. Doctor told him I did great and he thought I’d be good to leave tomorrow. I had to use the bathroom so the nurse felt it was a good time to go walk as well. I did really well walking. They had me out of the bed every 3 hours to walk. Gotta keep the blood moving and not get clots. Also have to drink lots of water. So needless to say I didn’t sleep much. In between I was watching Friends and that show is the best. So I got discharged at 10ish. I am feeling great if I didn’t state that already lol. It’s all because of my amazing prayer warriors. I absolutely love my doctor and if you’re in the Atlanta area I would recommend him to anyone. Dr. Robert Richard. That’s all I got for now. Love yall ❤️

Twas the night before…

So first of let’s give everyone who completes 4 weeks of a liquid diet a round of applause 👏 I personally know this was easy some days but just hard mentally. I got through it with a lot of mind set on what I do hour by hour and keeping very busy. As a matter a fact I like practically re did my house and deck again and call me crazy set my house to Christmas already lol. Seriously thought I’d get into a tv time nope not me. Now that I know the next 4 weeks are about resting maybe I’ll watch tv. Dont get me wrong my kid also kept me very busy to. Enjoying whatever she wants to do is the Best! I can’t wait to do more and see more with her. Let me post some pics of my 4 week time and then I’ll end with my thoughts to tomorrow.

Ok so tomorrow at 9:30 I report for surgery. At 11:30 it’s what I vision robot 🤖 coming in and building the science fair project winner 🥇 lol 😂 So yes I am getting the gastric bypass and learned it would be done with robotic surgery. I of course know this detail is much more in depth and really don’t care about the specific. Just pray 🙏 for a healthy recovery ❤️‍🩹 I pray for everyone tomorrow embarking this and for those that are already on the looser side. Yeah it’s a joke I’ve heard. So yes tomorrow I join the loser club officially. Never been more proud to call me that 😂. Ok well I ought to go to bed and will write ✍🏽 again when I am feeling better and will try to share all the details I remember. Thanks again for the support and love. ❤️

Matt and Me

If your an American you loved him I don’t care what you say he’s an icon. But what I love more he is one of me. He struggle like I do with food and alcohol. Today I’m sober. Today I believe I believe in myself and God helping me every step of the way as I conquer this battle with weight. I am still in the one day at a time and even one hour at a time. A lot of people think I’m crazy for being on a 4 week liquid diet. But when you’re tired and you surrender your addiction you will do anything to feel healthy normal and most of proud of yourself. I want to buy Matt book and read his story. I only like most just know the love of Chandler Bing which is like the most incredible character made but his battle is gonna change so many. His sober living home he open in Malibu will also continue to help so many men. It’s celebrity that remind us we’re all human. Money, popularity, and material stuff doesn’t matter. Finding yourself joy is all that matters. That’s the journey I am on. Loving every day even the not easy ones. We are so close to surgery day. Here an update on my weight as of last Thursday. Y’all have an amazing week. Love you all. Thanks for the support. And do something lovely for yourself this week ❤️❤️

For real life…

So I’m on day number 7 and feel like ahhh 😱 what did I get into. I’m starting to feel super hungry and super confused on how I let myself get to this weight. Why is everything with me so extreme. Like food and alcohol I abused the crap out of them. Now I’m obsessed with 90s stuff and Australia (those 2 are for another convo). Lol 😆 I was thinking in my head about how many times i told myself ok tomorrow the day I’m gonna diet and then tomorrow wasn’t the day. Now that I am 7 days in I’m still like wow I’m doing this. It’s all because I am literally playing this mind game one hour at a time one day at a time. So the hardest part of my day today was feeding my daughter Mac and cheese with her vegetable applesauce pack. I was jealous of a kiddy meal and thinking how long tell I eat Mac and Cheese. Lol 😂 I really don’t know how long it will take to enjoy all foods in moderations and some I may not like ever. I was out with some friends and I said I’m really looking forward to an egg and avocado. I see people who got the surgery and they love that. All the little things to look forward to and appreciate in a whole new way. That’s what this liquid diet is teaching me to not treat food as an addiction but fuel for the day. I know I’m gonna have to force myself to eat so much protein and I’ll find what I like but I know it won’t be shakes lol 😆 I’m just not loving these but it’s only for now. 3 more weeks maybe a week after surgery. Again it’s a short period of this great long healthy life ahead of me 😁

20 protein points 🙌
I figured I had to post the directions 🥑🍳

The week of….

So I’m all smiles here. Why because I have my surgery date 🙌😁❤️ Nov 7 is the big day. But my journey starts this week. Thursday morning to be exact. I get to start my vitamins and a 4 week liquid diet. Am I scared? Yes, but no big journey would be this if you didn’t have a little fear. I am looking forward to the future to see how powerful the mind and Faith are together yet again in a manor so big. I also love how I have a wonderful mother that helped me organize my liquid meals and I feel really prepared. I realized I bought the more expensive route of this weight loss journey. I spent 532 dollar but I have all my meals for 4 weeks and I needed simple. I read people spending as low as 200 but I feel good about my purchase so if you’re thinking about doing this there are options. Also my bmi is over 60 so have to do 4 weeks as oppose to 2 weeks. I’ll keep ya posted on the taste of the meals. It’s mainly consist of smoothy, soup, and pudding but different flavors. I’ll put in my start weight thur morning and blog about the meals in the evening. But that’s just a brief update as this journey is about to get rocking.

And organization week to week. (side note will not use that water bottle after surgery straws are not good with the air they bring)

Over comer…

I got a sweet video voice message today and this person said I was a joyful over comer. Y’all know I am about to embark something big but joyfully during the process hahaha I’m not sure. I’m actually nervous. I’m going under the knife again but this time I don’t get to take a baby home. I have a toddler who adores me that I won’t be able to pick up for 2-4 weeks. The recovery process is going to be 10x harder than what it was after my c section. Im actually scared of the world looking at me different. Like as the pounds drop of how do I stop viewing myself as the fat girl. Those are just some of my fears. Natural ones I suppose. However I know the out come will be joyful and that’s the bigger picture I need to focus on. I need to remind myself a thousand times a day it’s for those big moments I wouldn’t of ever been able to do. She is right I did over come a lot of things joyfully with some battle emotions. Ha. Let’s start with finding the joy in this state of GA (teenage me just wanted to leave lol). I over came a divorce that had so much guilt and failure on my part for thinking I could change someone. I over came College which some days I questioned what I was doing there since I had no idea what I wanted to be. (Blessed painting found me.) Of course alcohol because I was ready to face my feelings and move on rather than drink. Motherhood is continuous joy i over come each emotion she carries. Lastly being a wife to a mentally ill husband. I do joyfully enjoy our family of 6 (Me, Don, Ally and the fur babies❤️) So you know I will take this next big event and Overcome it JOYFULLY 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😋

Finding Me

I’m back but a completely different story. I’m still sober 3 years and some months. Love it. Honestly still shocked as how happy over all I am. My daughter almost 2 is doing great. My career is at a place where I’m not overwhelmed or stressed and most of all I can put family and myself first. So that leads us to the title Day 2 under my caption. Day 2 of what??? This is me at my endoscopy procedure today. It’s an in and out one where they take a camera 📸 down your throat and take picture of your stomach. They also will grab a sample just to check it as well. I guess that’s called a byopse. I can’t spell but hopefully you get it. So day 1 is where I felt like it began. I was not allowed to eat anything except jello. I could only drink clear drinks. I had the frost Gatorade which tasted pretty good. I’m not much of a juice or Gatorade drinker. Mainly coffee and water works for me these days. Milk in cereal to. So I learned a lot in this one day…. but first if you haven’t figure it out I’m getting the gastric bypass surgery. Yup I’m ready to take control of me fully. Getting rid of alcohol taught me I could love myself and most importantly love taking care of another human. If I love myself I knew it was finally time to change my health which has been an issues for about 2 decades or longer. I’m not trying to become the next model but I wanna be healthy so I can go to Disney world and ride all the rides with Ally in magic kingdom. I wanna ride bikes with Ally. I wanna see more waterfalls and not feel exhausted 10 ft in. I want a better knee. Sleep apena to possibly go away. Those are just a few reason but there are so many more. Thankfully they tell me journal all the why so I’ll be continuing to talk about the why am I doing the surgery. So back to what I learned this is mind and trusting my hire power aka God will be with me the entire way. I don’t have to starve myself but we are significantly changing the way I eat and see food. Food will not consume me. It’s merely just fuel to enjoy life. And like a gas tank it can only be filled so much and can run a while if your healthy. My next big challenge is 4 weeks before surgery is a liquid diet for all 4 weeks. But faith, willpower, the love and support I have will get me through this to. I’m sleepy now and have to work tomorrow. So goodnight 💤 and I will talk more later and definitely share all the fun updates.

The final for Now

Where I feel I am today ❤️❤️❤️

Readers wow I am so sorry it’s taken me a minute to tell you all about my daughter. She was born c section on Sept 24 @ 9:14 am. Healthy and perfect. God is so good. We love her so much. My recovery from the surgery was wonderful as well. Maturity leave has been great. She is growing and developing perfect. Now here is the most incredible part since she has been born the thought of drinking has vanished. God has given me the biggest most rewarding gift I could of ever imagine. I’m not like most parents where a drink is just a drink therefore God had to remove the thought or desire from me. I feel so much peace with it. I look forward to this new sober parent lifestyle. My husband and I have been feeling lord a lot lately. With him as our number 1 the world is endless. Promises do come true “sometimes quickly sometimes slowly and they always will material if we work for them” Thank you all for this journey. It’s obviously really just begun but my blogging is gonna take a pause as I enjoy mother hood, my husband, our families, friends, and yes back to work that I am also blessed to love. Thank you for believing. Thank you for reading. Thank you for following. One day at a time and faith you to can do anything. Much loveeee ❤️❤️❤️